Here we are again...

Well, I'm feeling a little sense of deja vu right now. I've been here before. I don't know why I let myself fall off and on diets as often as I do. I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this yo-yo thing, but it's a bit depressing to look back on my blog posts and see how far I went and then didn't go any further.
Luckily, I'm not here with total bad news. I took a "break" from my diet for a few weeks and didn't work out. However, I'm now back on track and continuing toward my goal. I've got a lighter work load at my job which makes things a little easier to handle at home in regards to food preparation and working out.
I'm so grateful to say that the weight I had lost over the summer stayed off, though! I had lost about ten pounds and was so happy to be in One-derland. Lucky for me, that weight stayed off even when I wasn't dieting anymore, so my body has settled in the upper 190s. That just goes to show me that when I was working out, I was doing it the right way and slowly enough that my body didn't retaliate when I started eating regularly again. Progress!
So I'm doing nearly the same thing as before but trying to incorporate more natural foods into my diet. Before I was eating processed frozen meals for the convenience, but those became old after a few months. I was also eating a lot of frozen pasta, and I knew that it couldn't be good for what I was trying to accomplish.
So I restarted a few days ago, thanks to the motivation of a new season of the Biggest Loser TV show. I weighed in on the first day at 89.9 kg (198.1 lbs), and I weighed in this morning at 88.7 (195.5). For only a few days, the weight is coming off much too quickly, but I believe it's probably a lot of water weight at this point. I had only wanted to hit 89.0 kg by the end of the week, so I guess I'm getting a little bit of a jump start.

Here's what my daily meals look like:
Breakfast: a banana, a small orange (I go with whatever's in season here because fruit is so expensive here), a granola bar, and two hard-boiled egg whites (~300 calories)
Lunch: one cup of cooked white rice, 4 oz. salmon, a side of vegetable (~5-600 calories)
Dinner: Large bowl of lettuce with tomatoes, broccoli, crackers, cheese, imitation crab (~350 calories)
So my total caloric intake is around 1200 each day.

I'm doing the Biggest Loser workout again also. I decided the Tae Bo was honestly not pushing me enough or building enough muscle. I liked the way the Biggest Loser pushed me and clearly gave me the tools to keep the weight off since my body was maintaining while I ate regularly. It's a six-week program, so I've decided to shoot for 85 kg (187.4 lbs) by the end. I think that's a reasonable goal without stressing me out. Once the six weeks are over, I'll have another two or three weeks before my dad and sister arrive, so maybe I can lose a little more before then.

Regardless of where I am at the end of these six weeks or even the end of the year, I'm really looking forward to just continuing on this journey once more. I'm faking it until I make it in the willpower department. I'm not necessarily enjoying the diet, but I'm trying to stay focused on the simple fact that it must be done. If I want to bring another child into this world, I've gotta do it from a lower starting weight than before. The high bloody pressure I had when I was first pregnant was pretty dangerous, and it'd be nice to have a pregnancy without that issue.

Ideally, it'd be nice to hit my goal weight of 145 lbs (24.9 BMI) before conceiving next, but I'll be happy to see around 160 even. I have significant stages of weight loss that I believe will be emotionally healing to me as well.

180: pre-pregnancy weight
160: high school weight
145: healthy BMI weight

So that's what's happening on my journey at this moment. Hopefully I'll have some good news to report as the weeks go on! Wish me luck!

Back on Track

I didn't finish with a bang, but last week I finally finished the six week Biggest Loser program I was doing with my husband (although it took us seven weeks). I was so glad to finally be done with the program because it was becoming monotonous. We've now switched to doing Billy Blanks' tae bo workouts, probably our favorite to do together. Our daughter has even started doing some of the movements with us. It's a fun family event.

I try to do the workouts after work, but since I don't get off work until 9 PM, more often than not the workouts are skipped. Regardless, my job is pretty active most days with singing, dancing, and chasing after little kids so I'm not just sitting on the couch all day.

I set a goal of being 90 kg this past weigh in and was so proud to actually hit 89.0 kg. I caught a cold and was really out of it a while, but I think the loss of appetite ended up working in my favor. I was laid up in bed for two or three days straight and ate only a little. So my next weekly goal is set for 88.5 kg. I didn't think it'd be wise to set a high goal after losing so much this past week. I'll be happy to see just a pound gone each week if that's all I can manage because the scale continues to go in the right direction. I'm continuing to learn that this is not a sprint but a marathon. My weekly goals keep me on track, and I don't feel overwhelmed because they're so small. At this point, I'm not entirely sure I'll be hitting my goal that I set for October 1st of 85 kg, but I know it will happen when it's supposed to.

If nothing else, I'm keeping sight and focused on my end of the year goal of 80 kg. My younger sister and father are coming to Japan to visit us, and I thought there'd be nothing better than impressing them with my weight loss. 80 kg will also signify completely losing all of the weight (and a little more) that I put on while pregnant with my daughter. From then, I want to lose another 10 kg by the time we move back to America (possibly in April). There's a chance we might stay abroad another year, but it's still up in the air at this point. Whether or not we're moving completely across the world is a HUGE decision, but I remain focused on my weight loss...I remind myself that no matter if we're moving or staying, I've got one thing that I can control and that is how much weight I lose. Whether in America or Asia, I want to be thinner and healthier.

So that's about it in a nutshell as far as what I've been up to. I'll try to write more when there's more to say!

Met my goal!

It's truly a great feeling in weight loss (or in anything in life), when you can say you've met your goal. I've chosen, on this journey, to set small, weekly goals for myself rather than final end goals. This week, my goal was to go from 91.0 kg to 90.0 (or about 200 lbs to 198). Since I live in Japan, my scale is in kg so I use that for my goals. 

Well, I still have today, Sunday, and Monday to workout, but I've already met my goal as of this morning. And that's with eating 1500 calories! It just amazes me... Yesterday I had a really good workout, and it shows.

I'm not sure what I'll be on my weigh in day, but I'll probably set another 1.0 kg goal from there. My monthly goal is to see 85.0 kg (190 lbs) by October 1st.

One-derland!

It has been a loooong time since I've written on this blog. Too long probably. But I'm happy to say I'm back and finally able to post something that I'm proud of. First of all, let's talk about the post before this one. I almost deleted because I sound ridiculous. I had no realistic goals set, and I was bound to fail before I hit "Publish"...which I did, and I'm truly not surprised. But I decided to keep the post because it'll remind me of my naïveté.

So here's the official update... I live in Japan now with my wonderful husband and our 19 month old daughter (she was about 15 months when we arrived). I started work here and met many, many new people...always a hard thing to do when you're self conscious. 

I've battled inner thoughts about not being good enough in every aspect of my life. I've countered feelings of judgment, truly believing that everyone was judging me because of my weight. And I finally reached a breaking point where I knew I had to lose this weight for my personal and professional life. I tried a few crash diets and failed miserably, but I finally mustered up the willpower from somewhere and began my real journey...(again >.>)

I started at about 209 lbs. For the first two weeks, I ate 1200 calories...or less. I know what you're thinking, and it was definitely not enough! I realized that when I could barely perform my workouts, let alone job. I did some research online and realized I needed to up my calories to nearly 1500 so that I could workout. It was actually really difficult to make sure I was eating enough each day, but it definitely paid off... I was kicking butt during my workouts (Biggest Loser Cardio Max) and seeing the numbers finally fall.

I'm happy to say that after six weeks (roughly), I have lost ten pounds. I am now 199 and slowly but surely seeing the changes in my body and mentality. I didn't let myself post anything on this blog until I knew I was serious and that meant hitting 199. So here I am, hopefully reporting daily or weekly updates about my weight loss. I have a goal to be 198 by Tuesday so I'm halfway there with four days left. 

I will try to give more details about the plan I'm following in my next posting...but for now I just wanted to commemorate my huge accomplishment and say...IM BACK!!!

It's time

Well, I'm not really sure if anyone reads this, but I think it's good for me to get my thoughts down so that one day in the future (like today) I can look back at my up's and down's. The past year has been an "up" in a lot of ways, but since this blog is about weight loss, then it has really been full a "down" overall. Let me start with the up's...

I had my beautiful baby daughter over a year ago. Can that even be possible?
I also moved to China (say what?) with my husband and our daughter. I'm teaching English for American Eagle Institute in Nanjing.
We will be leaving Nanjing in just under two months for a short visit back home and then our new destination in Joetsu, Japan. I will be teaching for Takada English School.

I think that explains my desire to return to my weight loss journey and my reasons for having left it the past year. If not, I'd be happy to elaborate...

When we moved to China last June, I was about 210 (+/- 3 pounds). I knew I still had plenty of baby weight, and I was gung ho about my new teaching position, so I put all self conscious thoughts and issues to the back of my mind. I was working on my career, I had a family, and the weight loss wasn't important at the moment. Well, when we arrived it was a completely different living situation than back in the US. First of all, this is a city of 7 million people so walking was crucial everywhere. Secondly, it was so humid and hot that the sweat just poured off of you at all times. I was happy to see that I had lost roughly ten pounds in our first month here.

So I'd made it to 200, a pretty crucial point. But not only did I make it to 200, I pushed past that and even caught a peak of 187 one day. This wasn't without effort. My 10 pound effortless weight loss encouraged me to keep going. However, the long cold winter and more comfort with our surroundings has brought the weight back. I'm happy (though not really) to say that I'm about 201-202 and not any higher.

Now, the other part I wanted to explain was my return to this blog and my weight loss journey. I am going to be working hard over the next 47 days to lose as much weight as possible before returning to America to see my friends and family. Not only that, I'd like to start my next teaching position at a much more confident weight. I'm realistic and know I can't lose all the weight in less than two months, but I know that just being on the path of LOSING the weight boosts my confidence. I just want to be able to walk into a store in Japan and be able to wear any of the clothes that are available. Here in China it has been a nightmare. I am not fat here; I am GINORMOUS. I see no one else my size on a daily basis and I know I'm not the biggest person from America. At first, I didn't care what people thought about my size. I had to suppress any self conscious feelings I had. Now, however, I feel like my inner feelings have been seeping out (probably because I've put the weight back on), and it has affected so many areas of my life. One thing I just can't stand is the way a lot of the women I work with look down on me because of my weight. I feel less beautiful already so let's just add some stuck-up pre-disposed to thinness attitudes to that. Sorry for the rant...

Anyway, losing weight here is not so easy. At first, it was. (Obviously since I lost weight with ease the first month.) However, China is just as bad as America when it comes to the junk food. It's everywhere. EVERYWHERE. McDonald's delivers, for heaven's sakes! So it's not hard to gain weight here, and it's understandable to see why the younger generations here are getting bigger. So my hardest obstacle for the next month and a half is going to be resisting all temptation that I have not denied myself for the last six months. Anything I have wanted, I have had. I've had no discipline whatsoever. I would not be able to believe for a second that nearly two years ago, I actually did something so extreme as the HCG diet. You should see me now. I am out of control.

So where to begin? I've made the decision to lose weight. I have done this before so many times in the last few months and failed every time. I honestly feel like China has put me in some sort of limbo that has been hard for me to get out of...and therefore, made it hard to face up to reality. But China or not, this is reality. It's even moreso since I am leaving it in 47 days. I finally feel the shackles coming off and freedom is near. (I have not enjoyed living here, can you tell?) So I must treat life like that, with a goal in mind, and not a never ending bottomless pool of waste.

Again, I ask, where do I begin? I know so many types of diets: fad diets, lifestyle changes, big diets, small diets, etc... My body is so different now after having a baby. My weight is not distributed as evenly as it once was. I now have the large post-baby belly that haunts me wherever I go. What I think I need to do is design my own workout that I know I can do to begin with. Multiple sets of old school moves is where I should begin. To help keep my metabolism going as much as possible, I will try to begin and end my days with workouts.

Also, in regards to food... I'm going to have to simply put my foot down and cut out ALL sweets. I don't know why, but I eat SO much chocolate here. But from this point forward, NO sweets. Also, no white carbohydrates...This means no white rice...while living in China. This is probably ridiculous, but I have no choice. In regards to what I DO eat, I'm not really sure. For only 47 days, I almost want to take an extreme route and take care of business. For example, maybe I can do vegetarian for 47 days... simply eat fruits, vegetables, eggs, and wheat crackers. Does that sound crazy? Well, then I must be crazy for the next month and a half. No sweets, no white carbs, and no meat... Bring on the strawberries and broccoli and eggies! (and protein drink)

I don't want my family to see me at this weight again. I know I left them at even a heavier weight, but I want them to see how well I've been doing...so maybe that's not true since, as I mentioned, I have hated it here. But I want to impress people. I want them to envy me and love me. I feel worthless at such a heavy weight.

Now comes the goal. How much weight do I think I can lose/want to lose in the next 47 days? I'd love to say that about 18 pounds would be perfect. It'd put me at my pre-pregnancy weight of 183. What do I really want to weigh, though? Well, I'd really love to weigh about 170 by the time I go home. That's about a pretty average weight for me, and it'd give me only a 20 pound weight loss goal once I actually get to Japan. However, I know the 18 pounds is much more realistic, so let's shoot for that instead of the 31 (haha).

So welcome back to my blog, both to you and to myself! I'll try to tie in some of my adventures while I'm writing about my weight loss because I'm sure it'll be interesting. I'm looking forward to blogging as many days as possible about this journey.

Let's call this the Chinese 47-Day No Sweet, No White Carb, Vegetarian Diet. My reward is going to be going back to America and helping myself to a few things I've missed. I am on my knees PRAYING for will power and motivation. I MUST stay strong. I HAVE to do this. No more whimpy Sara!