Well, I'm not really sure if anyone reads this, but I think it's good for me to get my thoughts down so that one day in the future (like today) I can look back at my up's and down's. The past year has been an "up" in a lot of ways, but since this blog is about weight loss, then it has really been full a "down" overall. Let me start with the up's...
I had my beautiful baby daughter over a year ago. Can that even be possible?
I also moved to China (say what?) with my husband and our daughter. I'm teaching English for American Eagle Institute in Nanjing.
We will be leaving Nanjing in just under two months for a short visit back home and then our new destination in Joetsu, Japan. I will be teaching for Takada English School.
I think that explains my desire to return to my weight loss journey and my reasons for having left it the past year. If not, I'd be happy to elaborate...
When we moved to China last June, I was about 210 (+/- 3 pounds). I knew I still had plenty of baby weight, and I was gung ho about my new teaching position, so I put all self conscious thoughts and issues to the back of my mind. I was working on my career, I had a family, and the weight loss wasn't important at the moment. Well, when we arrived it was a completely different living situation than back in the US. First of all, this is a city of 7 million people so walking was crucial everywhere. Secondly, it was so humid and hot that the sweat just poured off of you at all times. I was happy to see that I had lost roughly ten pounds in our first month here.
So I'd made it to 200, a pretty crucial point. But not only did I make it to 200, I pushed past that and even caught a peak of 187 one day. This wasn't without effort. My 10 pound effortless weight loss encouraged me to keep going. However, the long cold winter and more comfort with our surroundings has brought the weight back. I'm happy (though not really) to say that I'm about 201-202 and not any higher.
Now, the other part I wanted to explain was my return to this blog and my weight loss journey. I am going to be working hard over the next 47 days to lose as much weight as possible before returning to America to see my friends and family. Not only that, I'd like to start my next teaching position at a much more confident weight. I'm realistic and know I can't lose all the weight in less than two months, but I know that just being on the path of LOSING the weight boosts my confidence. I just want to be able to walk into a store in Japan and be able to wear any of the clothes that are available. Here in China it has been a nightmare. I am not fat here; I am GINORMOUS. I see no one else my size on a daily basis and I know I'm not the biggest person from America. At first, I didn't care what people thought about my size. I had to suppress any self conscious feelings I had. Now, however, I feel like my inner feelings have been seeping out (probably because I've put the weight back on), and it has affected so many areas of my life. One thing I just can't stand is the way a lot of the women I work with look down on me because of my weight. I feel less beautiful already so let's just add some stuck-up pre-disposed to thinness attitudes to that. Sorry for the rant...
Anyway, losing weight here is not so easy. At first, it was. (Obviously since I lost weight with ease the first month.) However, China is just as bad as America when it comes to the junk food. It's everywhere. EVERYWHERE. McDonald's delivers, for heaven's sakes! So it's not hard to gain weight here, and it's understandable to see why the younger generations here are getting bigger. So my hardest obstacle for the next month and a half is going to be resisting all temptation that I have not denied myself for the last six months. Anything I have wanted, I have had. I've had no discipline whatsoever. I would not be able to believe for a second that nearly two years ago, I actually did something so extreme as the HCG diet. You should see me now. I am out of control.
So where to begin? I've made the decision to lose weight. I have done this before so many times in the last few months and failed every time. I honestly feel like China has put me in some sort of limbo that has been hard for me to get out of...and therefore, made it hard to face up to reality. But China or not, this is reality. It's even moreso since I am leaving it in 47 days. I finally feel the shackles coming off and freedom is near. (I have not enjoyed living here, can you tell?) So I must treat life like that, with a goal in mind, and not a never ending bottomless pool of waste.
Again, I ask, where do I begin? I know so many types of diets: fad diets, lifestyle changes, big diets, small diets, etc... My body is so different now after having a baby. My weight is not distributed as evenly as it once was. I now have the large post-baby belly that haunts me wherever I go. What I think I need to do is design my own workout that I know I can do to begin with. Multiple sets of old school moves is where I should begin. To help keep my metabolism going as much as possible, I will try to begin and end my days with workouts.
Also, in regards to food... I'm going to have to simply put my foot down and cut out ALL sweets. I don't know why, but I eat SO much chocolate here. But from this point forward, NO sweets. Also, no white carbohydrates...This means no white rice...while living in China. This is probably ridiculous, but I have no choice. In regards to what I DO eat, I'm not really sure. For only 47 days, I almost want to take an extreme route and take care of business. For example, maybe I can do vegetarian for 47 days... simply eat fruits, vegetables, eggs, and wheat crackers. Does that sound crazy? Well, then I must be crazy for the next month and a half. No sweets, no white carbs, and no meat... Bring on the strawberries and broccoli and eggies! (and protein drink)
I don't want my family to see me at this weight again. I know I left them at even a heavier weight, but I want them to see how well I've been doing...so maybe that's not true since, as I mentioned, I have hated it here. But I want to impress people. I want them to envy me and love me. I feel worthless at such a heavy weight.
Now comes the goal. How much weight do I think I can lose/want to lose in the next 47 days? I'd love to say that about 18 pounds would be perfect. It'd put me at my pre-pregnancy weight of 183. What do I really want to weigh, though? Well, I'd really love to weigh about 170 by the time I go home. That's about a pretty average weight for me, and it'd give me only a 20 pound weight loss goal once I actually get to Japan. However, I know the 18 pounds is much more realistic, so let's shoot for that instead of the 31 (haha).
So welcome back to my blog, both to you and to myself! I'll try to tie in some of my adventures while I'm writing about my weight loss because I'm sure it'll be interesting. I'm looking forward to blogging as many days as possible about this journey.
Let's call this the Chinese 47-Day No Sweet, No White Carb, Vegetarian Diet. My reward is going to be going back to America and helping myself to a few things I've missed. I am on my knees PRAYING for will power and motivation. I MUST stay strong. I HAVE to do this. No more whimpy Sara!
